Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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