Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Houston, we have a blender
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
