i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
