She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it because I queefed?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
