Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
