just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
