Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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