apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
