You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize