I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
