just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You need Xanax blowdarts
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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