I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
