...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
