look no pants
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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