i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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