okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
there is glitter all over my balls
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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