and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
