Reggie can tackle my bush.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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