a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
