He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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