I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
