I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize