Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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