is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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