In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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