I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How does one acquire holy water?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
