this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
