I love black thongs
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
