margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
