he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just blew my weed a kiss
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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