remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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