So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
