We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
