I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
