Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
