I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize