In America we eat man semen.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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