I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
