God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
