We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
