Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
