Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
