none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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