Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
