Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
