And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
