Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
