I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Soap is not a condiment
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
