Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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