I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Will exercising make me less horny?
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