So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
