he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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