Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As shirtless as possible
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize