someone threw a dead crab at me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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