I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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