Come see our sink grown plant.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
