i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
