i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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