im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
