I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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