maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
