I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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