i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
