Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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