just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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