I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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