Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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