Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's always time for handjobs
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
