Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
