you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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