i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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