Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
