My brain says no but my pants say off.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
