I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
