i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm at about main and main street
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
