she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
