Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
