my room smells like sperm. sweet.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
