oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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