So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
