I wish my penis had an off switch
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
tell me about the fingering
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