You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
