What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
