Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
