It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
