just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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