My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
