I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
