Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize