i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
