I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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