Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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