my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
