good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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