I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
