the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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