i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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