He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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