I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
