Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
