only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
