Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
