so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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