I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
