Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
